A peek into my thoughts

Ahem I guess you could say I am opening to something very big this time. Luna and Hope have a slight idea I guess but have I talked about this ON AN ONLINE PLATFORM ? No. I am definitely going to regret this later. Might delete it too .

Warning for people who do not want to listen to talks about mental health you can stop right here.

Depression .Yes I am going directly heading towards it without going around the bush. Well people say

"what have you experienced in life to be depressed this early"

"you don't have anything missing in life"

"you have a family, friends, money and a good education"

Well I ask you this question .

Can I not have a reason for being depressed?

I started to feel this way since I was in 8th grade I don't remember anything after that.

Life was pretty much a fast forward till I was finally able to grab hold of it.

My parents thought I was going through the "phase", well I myself thought I was .

Sleeping all day without eating, loosing myself to the world of internet was my only distraction

At some point I started fainting or had small blackouts because I did not eat.

I looked at my parents and continuously questioned if I was worthy enough .

Weird to just say it but going Poof ! and disappearing was what I wanted at that time.

You remember that story of Ariel who turned into bubbles? That became my own fairy tale.

I desperately wanted to hide these thought and maybe I was successful. I shifted to a boarding school.

Others thought that I wanted to explore. My actual reason was to run away. Well I guess I was not the only one. Although I don't talk to almost anyone from that school the experiences I had

curated so many memories. The support I received, the love I gained, the thoughts I shared made me realize that I had so much left in life . I found a different ambition overall.

Now as you see it I am in college working over my dream. Sometimes just sometimes I go back to those numbing emotions but then I have learned to live with it. I rant just like this on the notepad of my phone and delete it right after.

Not a happy ending but still on my way.

I decided to write this because we are starting a different chapter in life.

College is opening offline !!

Also valentines day is coming. I will be eating chips while binging on my bed but I wouldn't prefer anything else .

I am going to end it here.

Signing off ,

Bean.